lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
