imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize