Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
