Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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