life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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