cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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