Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
