I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The Olympian is in my bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
