he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
