So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
