Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
