i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
