OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
