im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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