are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
