we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize