dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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