They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
