Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
