Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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