I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
