Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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