Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
