y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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