pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
