goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
