I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
