just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize