Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
