your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
