They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
