i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
