We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
