We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did I show you my penis last night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
