I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize