yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
