Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
