Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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