It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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