does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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