i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
