I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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