That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
