I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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