if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
