all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
