Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
