4 words: hood of his car
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize