we have pet lesbian snakes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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