I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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