The maid of honor just puked.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
