I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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