Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
