bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
