Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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