Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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