Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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