She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
