broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
