you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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