An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
