she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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