quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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