I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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