he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
