I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
