I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize