Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
