On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
