i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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