my phone needs a breathalizer
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize