mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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