It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
