if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
