She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
